


Having dreamt once more bitter things than death

by VinesInMyVeins



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Frenemies with Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, coldflash - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-29 02:25:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6355027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VinesInMyVeins/pseuds/VinesInMyVeins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No. He'd never be used to Barry's nightmares. But he could get used to the idea of being there for him when he woke from one.”</p><p>Or</p><p>The one where after beginning a frenemies with benefits relationship, Leonard realizes he cares quite a bit for the scarlet speedster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Having dreamt once more bitter things than death

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this blarg like months ago, when The Flash had just gone on Christmas break; it was still rough and I hadn't edited it yet so I waited on posting it, and then “potential energy” came out and I was like 'Frick, if I post this now, it's gonna look like I was basing my idea off of the events of the episode, when I really had this dumb thing written weeks before it came out'. Which seems stupid, but like, when I had started writing it (however mediocre it may have turned out to be) it had felt like an original idea at the time. I was doing a hurt/comfort bingo and this was for the square 'Night terrors', I knew I wanted to do a coldflash for it, and I had realized (at the time) I hadn't really seen any coldflash fics that dealt with all the darkness Barry was probably dealing with and hiding from everyone, that after everything he'd seen he'd most certainly have nightmares. So I ended up putting off editing and typing it up (I write everything free hand first) till now, I'm a little self conscious about my writing cuz there are so many other amazing fics out there O.o

Leonard Snart was no stranger to nightmares. Between his father and his life of crime; he had no shortage of ammunition for his subconscious to work with. There were nights when he dreamed about not being able to get to his sister when his father had her in his clutches. There were nights when he dreamed about fire and Mick, screaming. Nights of losing his grandfather; of killing a man for the first time; of Barry, being shot. So many abhorrent things to be so intimately familiar with.

They were something he had dealt with his whole life. Learned to compartmentalize and push to the farthest reaches of his mind almost as soon as he woke up. His own nightmares and demons were something he was used to.

What he realized he'd never get used to, was Barry's.

It hadn't been something he'd ever expected. Barry 'sees good in everyone' Allen; selflessly saving this city and always with a smile on his face. For how transparent he made himself appear to everyone else, he sure had one hell of a poker face.  
Because, Len was learning, despite all the smiles and kindness the kid doled out, he'd seen more darkness in this world than anyone should have to endure.

They say to be the best liar, you must first convince everyone you are the worst.

Len would have been impressed, if he hadn't been so pissed at having been fooled with the rest of the people who care about Barry.

They'd been...involved with each other for a while now. Sneaking off after face offs and rounding up metas to burn off excess energy with some mind blowing, no strings attached sex. It was just good simple fun, part of the game.  
But the more time they spent with each other, the harder it became to keep it simple and unattached.

He should have realized he was in to deep when one day out of no where Barry passed out on him. He was near ready to call Caitlin when he finally managed to wake him.  
Barry had sheepishly apologized for scaring Len, explaining about his metabolism and what happened when his glucose crashed.  
Len was about to reflexively reply that he hadn't been scared, but stopped himself when he realized he really _had_ been. And when had that happened? Caring about Barry like that?

He kept a better eye on him after that, Started making sure he was consuming enough calories so he wouldn't pass out. Told himself it was just to protect his own interests; making sure Barry was still in a fit state to continue being his booty call.

Len stopped trying to convince himself he didn't care the first time Barry actually stayed the night.

They'd had an exceptionally vigorous 'workout', and before he knew it, they'd both fallen asleep.  
When he woke up, Len thought at first someone was attacking him. He reflexively rolled out of bed and took a defensive stance. Only to realize it had been Barry that had woken him.  
Barry was thrashing, as if fighting against some unknown force. Len moved closer, prepared to try and wake him.  
Then Barry screamed, “NO!”, abrupt, and startling Len back. He continued shouting and muttering, things like 'this wasn't supposed to happen' and 'I have to save them! I have to try!'.

That was enough, he'd been startled at first because he hadn't expected it, but he wouldn't watch this a minute longer. Climbing back onto the bed he restrained Barrys movements.  
“Barry! Barry, wake. Up!” Len said sternly.  
It took a bit of coaxing of that nature, but eventually Barry broke out of his dream.

Len watched as the kids face went from confusion to recognition, to shame.  
He shimmied his way out from where Len was still pinning him and sat up; unable to look Len in the face.  
“I'm...I am so sorry...I shouldn't have-I should-” Barry made to get off the bed, probably to leave, run away from this as fast as he could.  
Which was why Len grabbed him by the wrist as soon as he'd seen movement.  
Barry froze, and when it was clear he wouldn't be let go, he settled back on the bed.  
They sat in silence for a moment, Len still holding onto Barry's wrist.

“You don't need to hide it you know” Len said.  
Barry hazarded a quick glance up in confusion.  
“Nightmares. There's nothing wrong with having them.”  
He looked away again, “I-I know, it's just...” Barry gave a tired shrug “I should be able to deal with stuff better, not let it effect my sleep, let alone” he gestured to the two of them sitting on the bed “disturb anyone else I'm sharing a bed with”.

Len sat for a moment, processing what Barry had said.  
“Is that why you never stayed the night before?”  
The kid seemed to close in on himself, as good an admission as any.  
Sliding his hand down from Barry's wrist to take his hand instead, his gaze focused on his face till eyes were met.  
“Did you think I'd stop what ever...this,” he waved his hand between them “what ever this is now?”  
Barry's gaze flickered away, but Len's other hand came up, gently holding his cheek.  
Eventually Barry spoke, “I didn't know _what_ you'd think. You always seem so collected. I was afraid to let you see me fall apart, to let anyone see really”.  
This took Len by surprise, “you, haven't talked to _anyone_ about this?”  
Barry shook his head, “it's not like talking about it is going to make them go away, it would just make people worry. It's easier to just...” he trailed off, pulling away from Len, looking down at the sheets and their still joined hands.

God this kid was such a freaking martyr. Taking on the responsibility of keeping this city safe, taking it upon himself to keep every one smiling; even if it meant faking one himself.  
Len didn't even think after that realization; he just pulled Barry into himself, wrapped his arms around him and held tight.  
“You're such a goddamn hero kid, so busy saving everyone else you can't see you might need a little saving too.”  
Barry let Len hold him, let himself burrow his face in Lens shoulder and wrap his own arms around him and hold back just as tight.

Len didn't ask that night what Barry had dreamed about. Hadn't asked him to talk about anything. Just asked if he'd stay. Let Len hold him close and watch over him till morning.

After that Barry stayed over more often. And while Len never asked about them when he was woke in the middle of the night by one of Barry's night terrors; he did offer to listen, if Barry should ever want to talk.  
Which he eventually began to do.  
He told Len of dreams of the night his mother was murdered; having to helplessly watch again as an adult. Of not being able to help his father. Not being fast enough to save someone; Barry had hesitated to admit that one, and Len felt all the more guilty for having a hand in arming that particular nightmare. There were dreams about being struck by lightning; being betrayed by a man he thought he trusted; time travel; and running directly towards a black whole.

Sometimes it made Len angry. Not at Barry, never.  
But at everything else. At Harrison Wells (Eobard); at the metas who hurt Barry and the people he loves; the universe for not giving the speedster a damn break; at everyone around the kid who couldn't see how much pain he was in; at himself too, for not having seen it soon enough, for having caused just as much pain, for not realizing how much he cared earlier.

No. He'd never be used to Barry's nightmares. But he could get used to the idea of being there for him when he woke from one; of listening to the horrors this kid, and god he's still just so young, had seen; of making sure that when all's said and done, and Barry's saved everyone else, there's still someone to save him as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading ^_^ I hope it was ok (was my first coldflash) let me know what you thought, comments and kudos give me life!


End file.
